I tried everything except committing to continue. I spend hours in pinterest finding motivation to clean, declutter, write, manage, be proactive, organize my finances. I do a lot, but do not do what needs to be done to take care of the issues at hand. I have an nice collection of audiobooks. If I could follow any of them, I will be a superduper duda. But not much has changed.
Perhaps this is not so bad. Nothing will happen when it is not supposed to. Yep sounds deterministic, which does not sound very much like me, but I do know when to surrender.
I have enough pins and audiobooks to be the mom my child needs, to decluter my whole and entire live, to produce good writing and cook a storm while keeping a flexible nice body. But i do not commit to actions.
I spent a long akratic period of time. I learned more about morality and kind of got out of it. I had a set back last week before I discover that doing all you can do for a customer entitles you to their money and that you can always return it if after many tries, you cannot serve what you had set to do. But as of today, I got it: as long as I am honestly doing my best, it is ok to get paid.
I succumbed to the idea that I am the one who has to do or manage my home. No one will do what I want, how and when I want it. I can get help, but not even when I do my own shores I get that sense of satisfaction. I, and only I have to accept and improve my home and its needs. 20 years of memories will not rearrange themselves overnight. I even got some Buddhist readings to accept this very fact. I dont even get mad about this anymore. But the piles and piles are still there, behind the couch on each corner and over the closet looking at me, awaiting my determination to finally led hand of them.
I am hopeful though.
I have gather lots of insight and know that the reluctance to action will not last longer. I am close to 77 times 7 saying this. I feel the time is approaching. I few things will happen first, though:
I'll have to work a bit more on my anger, so I do not hate chores
I have to endure on the fact that this is my life and it will only change if I change it
I have to increase my tolerance to satisfaction and pleasure. Yep, good things should be good and and should feel good about them. This is the hardest one. I am more used to solve discomfort than to dive in comfort. So grand universe, do conspire to get me at the doorstep of contentment for contentment is my goal and longing and the magic key to flip my nemesis.
Perhaps this is not so bad. Nothing will happen when it is not supposed to. Yep sounds deterministic, which does not sound very much like me, but I do know when to surrender.
I have enough pins and audiobooks to be the mom my child needs, to decluter my whole and entire live, to produce good writing and cook a storm while keeping a flexible nice body. But i do not commit to actions.
I spent a long akratic period of time. I learned more about morality and kind of got out of it. I had a set back last week before I discover that doing all you can do for a customer entitles you to their money and that you can always return it if after many tries, you cannot serve what you had set to do. But as of today, I got it: as long as I am honestly doing my best, it is ok to get paid.
I succumbed to the idea that I am the one who has to do or manage my home. No one will do what I want, how and when I want it. I can get help, but not even when I do my own shores I get that sense of satisfaction. I, and only I have to accept and improve my home and its needs. 20 years of memories will not rearrange themselves overnight. I even got some Buddhist readings to accept this very fact. I dont even get mad about this anymore. But the piles and piles are still there, behind the couch on each corner and over the closet looking at me, awaiting my determination to finally led hand of them.
I am hopeful though.
I have gather lots of insight and know that the reluctance to action will not last longer. I am close to 77 times 7 saying this. I feel the time is approaching. I few things will happen first, though:
I'll have to work a bit more on my anger, so I do not hate chores
I have to endure on the fact that this is my life and it will only change if I change it
I have to increase my tolerance to satisfaction and pleasure. Yep, good things should be good and and should feel good about them. This is the hardest one. I am more used to solve discomfort than to dive in comfort. So grand universe, do conspire to get me at the doorstep of contentment for contentment is my goal and longing and the magic key to flip my nemesis.